


Seeing You For The First Time

by past piginawig (orphan_account)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, minor harry/ofc, minor harry/omc, minor zayn/niall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-16
Updated: 2013-02-16
Packaged: 2017-11-29 11:02:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/686208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/past%20piginawig
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The boys all grew up in Godric's Hollow together. Things are great until Harry gets a girlfriend and Louis gets jealous.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Seeing You For The First Time

**Author's Note:**

> some of you might recognize this as a wip chapter fic that was posted some time ago. i decided to make it a oneshot instead. there are minor changes to the beginning, but nothing too important. warning for overuse of italics.

Stella had long blonde hair and a pretty round face and long legs and big tits (for a fifteen year old, at least) and a nice bum and she was everything Harry was almost entirely sure he wanted. He'd been talking with her all semester in Herbology, where they'd been partnered up, and he was surprised they weren't friends before considering they both grew up in Godric's Hollow.

On the day before term ended, when Harry and his best friend Louis were relaxing by the lake, limbs sprawled on the green grass in every direction, Stella approached. Harry's eyes were closed against the bright afternoon sun when suddenly the light was shadowed and his green eyes appeared from behind his lids.

"Harry," she greeted, a small smile stretched on her pink lips. Harry nodded, sitting up and brushing some grass out of his hair. Louis stayed in his position but cracked one eye open to watch the exchange with muted interest. "Can I speak with you?"

Oblivious to the unsaid _privately_ , Harry just grinned up at the girl and said, "Sure, take a seat!"

Louis held back a snort and brought a hand up to shield his open eye from the sun. Now that he could focus on the scene in front of him, he recognized the girl as a Hufflepuff fifth year. He vaguely recalled Harry mentioning that she was his Herbology (or was it Potions?) partner but he hadn't realized they'd struck a friendship. He ignored the tug in his stomach at the thought of someone intruding on their lives.

Stella's smile had faltered only slightly before she sat down beside Harry, folding her legs beneath her and tucking a blonde strand of hair behind her ear. Louis idly thought about how much he disliked blonde hair (on everyone except Niall, of course, who could go bald and walk around in nothing but his pants and still receive nothing but positive attention) when he realized the words coming out of her mouth.

"Well, I was just wondering," she'd begun, eyes glancing at the ground before shooting back up hopefully at Harry, "if you'd like to ride with me on the train tomorrow. I won't be offended if you say no, because I know you usually sit with your mates, but I'd really like to chat with you."

Louis almost sat up to indignantly sputter that of course Harry would be sitting with his mates, it's tradition for crying out loud, when Harry's voice spoke up and Louis realized that he wouldn't have to, Harry would do it for him.

Except that Harry said, "Sure, I'll sit with you, just find me in the Entrance Hall in the morning after breakfast," and Louis could do nothing but gape.

"Great," Stella said, a full grin on her face. Louis wanted to smack it off or do something equally terrible, but he resisted the urge because his mother had instilled manners in him and he knew it was awfully rude to hit a girl. "I'll see you tomorrow, then."

Harry muttered a "see you," before laying back down next to Louis. "Whaddya think that's about?"

Louis grunted.

"Lou?"

"You're seriously going to ditch us for some random girl?"

Harry turned his head to look at Louis. Louis had both his eyes shut again, but he'd thrown an arm over them to block out the still painful light.

"Are you seriously upset about that? It's not like I won't still ride home in the car with you lot, it'll just be on the train. And we'll still have the traditional end-of-year bonfire day after next. You're being silly."

Louis only grunted again.

It was then that the sunlight was blocked again and the two boys on the ground blinked open their eyes to see three bodies standing over them.

"Well hello boys," Zayn greeted, plopping down on the ground by Harry's head. Liam and Niall soon followed and Harry and Louis both sat up. Taking note of the scowl on Louis' face, Zayn pulled an accent and said, "Vas happenin'?"

When Louis only rolled his eyes, Harry sighed loudly. "C'mon, Lou, don't be mad about this. It's not that big of a deal."

"What's not a big deal?" Niall asked immediately, nosing in. 

"Harry's not riding home with us," Louis announced, "he's going to sit with a girl instead."

Zayn and Niall both whooped, Zayn patting Harry on the back and Niall yelling, "Get some!" while Liam glanced between Harry and Louis before offering a tentative smile at Louis.

"Don't look at me like that, Liam," Louis grumbled, picking at the grass beneath his fingers. "And none of those were the reactions I was looking for."

"Because you're overreacting and they're not?" Harry suggested quietly. Louis pointedly ignored him and examined his nails instead of replying. He couldn't fathom why the other boys weren't feeling as betrayed as he was and it just served to piss him off even more. They had ridden on the train in the same compartment together every year since the younger boys began Hogwarts, and now suddenly Harry was going to break the tradition for some random Hufflepuff girl?

Harry huffed, bringing Louis out of his train of thought. "Do you think she'll ask me to be her boyfriend?"

Niall shrugged and Zayn just laughed, but Liam sat up straighter and looked at Harry intently. "Do you want to be her boyfriend?"

"Dunno," Harry responded, twisting a bracelet on his wrist. It was his nervous tick, fingers always going for the bracelet from the Quidditch World Cup last summer, when he and Louis attended together. "I mean, I s'pose it'd be nice having a girlfriend, and she flirts with me an awful lot in class. But I never really thought about having a girl til now."

"Well," Niall cut in, "are you thinking about it now because you want it, or because you think she wants it?"

All four pairs of eyes locked onto Harry and he fidgeted uncomfortably. After a few moments of silence, Zayn and Niall seemed to realize they wouldn't receive an answer and decided to instead point out attractive girls to each other. Liam kept looking between Harry and Louis, brows furrowed and brown eyes confused. Louis fingered his green and silver tie, never looking up from the ground.

Harry just sat. His fingers continued to twirl his World Cup bracelet as his mind kicked into overdrive. He'd never been particularly interested in girls. His mum called him a 'late bloomer', told him that one day he'd see a pretty girl and he wouldn't be able to think of anything else. But Harry found Stella to be very pretty; he just wasn't sure he wanted to kiss her and hold her hand. She could hold a conversation and they could laugh together, but he could get that from any of his friends.

He was about to start his sixth year, though, and all of his friends had already hit the dating scene. He'd never liked being left out and maybe thinking someone was pretty and funny was enough to warrant them as girlfriend material. Harry wasn't sure, but possibly he was just overthinking it. Without looking at Louis, because for some reason he knew one look into his blue eyes would pierce his resolve, Harry answered the long forgotten question.

"I think I want to be Stella's boyfriend."

*

Louis was pointedly ignoring Harry. The five boys had eaten every meal together at the Ravenclaw table for four years straight. Louis had never made friends in his own house, always felt some of the Slytherins were judging his every move, so he decided in his second year when his four best friends all started Hogwarts that he would join them for meals at one of their house tables. The five of them had sat at the Gryffindor table that year, but Harry and Niall, the only Gryffindors in the group, had gotten trouble from their housemates for bringing a snake into lion territory. Liam and Zayn offered refuge at their own house table the next year, and the lot of them had peacefully eaten at Ravenclaw table ever since.

Until the last day of Harry's fifth year, of course, when after ten minutes of waiting on Louis to show up for breakfast, a stunned Liam had said, "There he is."

And he was pointing at the Slytherin table.

Harry and Zayn, who had their backs to that particular table, both flew around on the bench to follow Liam's widened eyes to see that Louis was, in fact, sitting at his own house table. 

Harry huffed in annoyance. "The twat," he muttered, turning back around and picking up a piece of toast to nibble on. "Is it really that big of a deal?"

"No," Niall answered immediately, small bits of food flying from his open mouth. Harry grimaced. 

"I don't get why he's being so crazy about this. It's one train ride, honestly."

"Well," Liam started, taking in a deep breath. "I don't think it's really the train ride that's upsetting him. I think it has more to do with someone new coming in and taking up your attention."

Zayn laughed loudly. "Aw, Lou's jealous!"

Harry flushed and ducked his head to hide his flaming cheeks. "I dunno, Li..."

"I think Lou needs to find a girlfriend himself, to be honest," Niall added and then swallowed, and Harry briefly wondered why he couldn't have swallowed first. Niall gulped some orange juice down and wiped his mouth on the sleeve of his robe. "He's never had one, maybe that's what he needs. You guys can double date and stuff and he won't get so pissy!"

Harry tried to imagine he and Stella going out with Louis and a girl of his own. He couldn't fight the frown that appeared on his face. He didn't like the thought of being with Louis and not really having his full attention. That didn't feel right. Even when the five of them were together (all the time since toddler-hood, really), Louis and Harry had had a special connection, were always drawn toward each other. The other boys noticed and didn't mind; they understood there was some unspoken bond between the two.

Harry hadn't realized the conversation had gone on without him, and when he tuned back in he realized his friends were discussing the traditional end-of-year bonfire.  
"This year will definitely be the best yet, now that Lou's of age and we don't have to have parents around," Niall said, a grin plastered on his face.

"There really won't be much of a difference, I don't think," Liam disagreed, brows furrowed, "it's not like we'll be drinking or doing magic."

Niall patted Liam's head. "No, of course not."

Harry and Zayn chuckled and Niall smiled at them. Liam frowned. "We're not doing anything illegal, boys."

"Whatever you say, Li," Zayn agreed, nodding his head solemnly. Harry grinned and turned to whisper something into Louis' ear about Liam acting like their dad again, when he remembered that Louis wasn't there.

The smile fell off his face and he sighed, turning his head back around to look at the Slytherin table. Immediately he caught Louis' eye, but Louis raised his brow, crossed his arms, and pointedly looked away. Harry groaned and plopped his head on the table. Damn Louis.

*

Louis sat in the train compartment with Liam, Zayn, and Niall with a scowl on his face. The boys were collectively ignoring his foul mood and acting as though everything were normal, which made Louis even more upset because _of course things aren't normal, Harry's not here_.

It wasn't until Louis declined the offer of a Chocolate Frog that Liam realized something was truly off, and he told Zayn and Niall he would sit out this game of Exploding Snap. He switched seats to be next to Louis, who was curled up next to the window.

"C'mon, Lou, will you stop looking like somebody stabbed Rufus?" Liam asked, referring to Louis' pet toad. Louis didn't answer. "This isn't going to change anything, Harry's still going to be our friend. It'll be just like when any of us got girlfriends."

"No it won't," Louis argued, his voice taking a higher pitch than usual and Liam's eyes widened because that meant Louis was fighting off tears. "You guys didn't ditch us when you had girlfriends."

"Actually, I'm pretty sure all of us ditched a time or two," Liam responded with a small chuckle.

"You guys aren't Harry," Louis said, even quieter, then squeezed his eyes shut. Liam _knew_. Liam had known for at least a year, when he saw two seventh year boys snogging in the hall and learned that some boys like boys, that Louis had less than platonic feelings toward their curly haired friend. He knew Louis wasn't aware, because Louis told him everything, and probably would have freaked out upon realizing these feelings. But at Louis' words, Liam's stomach clenched, because suddenly these feelings that Liam knows about seem much more important than they did two minutes ago.

"Harry's not going to stop being your friend, Lou."

"I know, but," Louis stopped for a moment, "But there's gonna be somebody else that's more important to him than me..."

About Harry's feelings Liam was less sure. The boy was a mystery to him, but he was absolutely sure of one thing, and he said as much to Louis. "Lou, there's never going to be anyone more important to him than you."

*

Stella had wasted no time in getting down to business once she and Harry were seated in their compartment on the Hogwarts Express. "Harry, there's a reason I wanted to have some private time to chat with you."

Harry fought the urge to say _"I figured as much,"_ and just nodded with a small smile.

"We've gotten to know each other pretty well over the past few months, I think, and I quite like you. You're charming and nice and I'd like to know if you'd want to go on a date with me. Tomorrow night."

Harry hoped against hope for butterflies in his stomach or a blush on his cheeks or any kind of reaction from his body that said _yes, you like her_ , but instead he got nothing. 

"Um, I know that's a little forward," Stella mumbled a bit, "usually it's the bloke asking, but-"

"No, no, sorry," Harry interrupted, coming to his senses and looking past his body's lack of reaction. "I'd love to go out. What would you like to do?"

"I was thinking we could Floo to Diagon Alley, maybe get some ice cream and browse the stores?" Stella suggested hopefully, and Harry nodded. Stella grinned widely, white teeth showing, and then grabbed Harry's hand. 

He wished again for some sign that this was right and good, but all he really felt was the sweat forming on his palm and how much he really wished Stella would let go.

*

"So, Harry," Niall said loudly once the five of them were situated in Louis' mum's van, "How was your train ride with Stella?"

Harry felt his cheeks flush. He watched from his seat in the middle row as Louis, sat in the front, whipped his head around to face the road. Rolling his eyes, Harry turned back to Niall. "It was nice, I s'pose. She asked me on a date."

 

"Ooh, Harry, got yourself a girlfriend?" Jay asked from the driver's seat. Louis huffed and crossed his arms, sinking into the seat.

"I dunno, really," Harry responded honestly. "We're going to Diagon Alley tomorrow for a date, so we'll see how it goes."

"Tomorrow?" Louis spoke up, shooting up in his seat and turning to face Harry. "Tomorrow as in, annual end-of-year bonfire?"

"Lou, I'm sure we'll be back by then," Harry started awkwardly.

" _We_? As in, you're bringing her with you to the bonfire?!" Louis exclaimed, blue eyes widening.

"No! That's not what I said, I meant the date will be over in time for me to make it to the bonfire," Harry blurted loudly, then lowered his voice when he caught Jay's disapproving glare in the rearview mirror. "You know I wouldn't miss it, Lou." 

"Whatever," Louis scoffed, returning to his position with his arms crossed over his chest. The rest of the car ride to Godric's Hollow was awkward, to say the least, and no one commented when Jay went out of her way to drop Harry off first.

*

Harry stood uncomfortably in front of Stella's family's cottage, shifting one foot to the other, hands in his pockets. He fingered his wand that stuck about two inches out of his jeans pocket, a nervous tick, and bit his lip.

He had opted for Muggle clothing, simple skinny jeans and a plain shirt, with some sneakers and a beanie holding his curls back off his face. He hoped he wasn't dressed too casually for a date, but figured that walking around Diagon Alley didn't exactly call for dress robes.

Taking a deep, calming breath and hoping for the best, Harry strode up to the front foor of Stella's home, knocking a quick three times, and stepping back. In a matter of seconds the door was thrown open and a shy but excited seeming Stella appeared.

"Hullo," Harry muttered, suddenly unable to meet the girl's eyes. Stella didn't seem to notice, however, just grabbed one of his hands and pulled him inside.

"The Floo's this way," Stella announced and continued to drag Harry along behind her. They stopped suddenly when they reached a small sitting area with a fireplace nestled in the corner. "Would you like to go first?"

"Erm," Harry started, staring at the wide eyed girl before him. She picked up the Floo powder from the mantel and held it out. "Sure, I s'pose."

Harry reached into the small bowl and grasped at the powder, holding some in his hand. He stepped into the fireplace and said (very clearly, as his mum had instilled in him from a very young age), "Diagon Alley." He dropped the powder to his feet and shut his eyes as the green flames errupted around him, and at the last moment tucked his elbows tightly into his sides. He kept his eyes closed until he could hear the bustling sound of The Leaky Cauldron, then carefully stepped out and dusted himself off. He stood awkwardly next to the fireplace for a few moments before Stella arrived.

"Where to?" Harry asked. "It's a bit early for lunch, we should probably shop a bit first."

"That's a good idea," Stella said softly, "We could start at Weasleys'?"

Harry nodded, and the two teens took off outside the pub. It was a bit difficult to hold conversation while walking down the crowded street, so Harry simply grabbed Stella's arm and locked it with his own, giving her a small grin when their eyes met. He had to fight to keep the smile on his face when he noticed, yet again, the lack of butterflies in his stomach.

*

"Hey, mate," Liam called to Louis as he strolled up to the bonfire. As always, they had set up in a large field about a five minute walk from the edge of the village. Liam and Zayn had set everything up, including the chairs surrounding the unlit fire. "You seen Niall and Harry?"

"Nah," Louis responded quietly, taking a seat in the empty chair next to Zayn, who was already nursing a Firewhiskey. "Already getting drunk, mate?"

"Better than not being drunk, I reckon," Zayn answered with a smirk. Louis barked out a laugh. "Also, me and Li already decided you're not allowed to fight with Harry tonight, yeah?"

"If he even shows up," Louis remarked bitterly, and Liam clucked his tongue.

"No comments like that, either, Lou," he chided. "We're here to have fun and relax after the stress of this year."

Louis just rolled his eyes and stared at the ground as Liam and Zayn began having a conversation about their exams. He was agitated and he was well aware it was because today was the first day in a year that he went twenty-four hours without seeing or talking to his best friend.

He wanted to kick himself for being so overdramatic. Harry probably hadn't even thought about him, while he was on his date, and here Louis was wasting his entire day moping.  
His thoughts were broken by the sound of laughter in the distance, and he glanced up to see Harry and Niall flying toward them, each on their own broom.

They landed a few feet from the bonfire and threw their brooms carelessly on the ground, rushing over to their friends.

"No one told me we were riding brooms," Liam complained, "We all walked all this way!"

"It was Harry's idea," Niall responded. "I was passing his house on the way here as he was coming out, and he was whining that his feet hurt too bad to walk. Brooms were the obvious choice."

"I figure I shouldn't have spent the entire day walking up and down Diagon Alley," Harry said, then looked at Louis. "Girls have this weird thing where they want to go into every shop, even if there's nothing in it they want to buy. Kind of an exhausting day."

"Did you have fun?" Zayn asked as Harry and Niall took the two remaining seats and Louis pulled out his wand.

"Eh," Harry responded with a shrug, "I mean, I wasn't brimming with excitement but I wasn't bored either. Honestly, it was like hanging out with a regular friend."

"So no girlfriend, then?"

"Well," Harry looked at the ground, "When we got back to her place she hugged me and told me she had a really great time and that she wants to go out again. I said yeah, and then she leaned in and just... Planted one on me."

Niall yelped and Zayn catcalled. Louis couldn't look up from the ground, couldn't really think past the buzzing in his ears. He could hear the other boys being loud and interrogating Harry but he was too focused on the way his stomach felt like it just kept dropping, and suddenly he was fighting back tears.

He jumped when he felt a hand on his back, and he looked up to see Zayn watching him. 

"You gonna start the fire?"

"Oh," Louis replied awkwardly, before clearing his throat. He pointed his wand at the wood. " _Incendio_."

And then he grabbed a Firewhiskey.

*

The summer was definitely the most awkward that Harry could ever remember. It reminded him of when he was younger and his parents had gotten divorced, and for a while his parents had shipped him back and forth, one week with his mum in Godric's Hollow, one week with his dad in Muggle London. Only now he was spending one day with the boys and the next with Stella.

It was uncomfortable, going back and forth, and he found himself wishing that Stella was a part of their small group so he didn't have to split his time between them. He felt like he was living two lives and he hated it.

Things with Louis had been stilted in the beginning, with Louis making constant quips about his girlfriend and Harry rolling his eyes. But after a while the comments slowed down until they rarely happened, and Harry was happier. Louis still spent most nights in Harry's bedroom, the two of them playing chess and Exploding Snap for hours on end, and they still talked about everything.

Everything except Harry's relationship, that is. The first few times Harry had attempted to bring her up, Louis had lashed out, so he stopped trying after a while. It was easier to deal with a happy Louis, anyway.

Harry hung out with Stella frequently, whether it was visits to Diagon Alley or Hogsmeade, or hanging out at one of their houses, or going to the Muggle cinema. Harry had even helped her with the terrible chore of degnoming her garden once.

Harry had gotten used to his feelings toward Stella - or, more accurately, his lack of feelings - and had even gotten through a few succesful snogging sessions with her. He knew, in the back of mind, that it wasn't supposed to be like this, but he was too comfortable with his life to try and figure out how it was supposed to be.

*

It was two weeks before term was set to begin and Harry had a plan. When Louis arrived at his door that morning with a grin on his face, he just let him in as usual and the morning passed by quickly and easily. And then-

"What's she doing here?" 

Harry bit back a groan and elbowed Louis in the stomach. Louis had been sprawled on his couch, using his wand to levitate random items around the room while Harry sat at his feet, twiddling with the radio, until he saw Stella walking up the drive through the large bay window that spanned the Styles' living room.

"You get upset every time I hang out with her instead of you, and I don't like having to split my time between you guys, so I've decided to hang out with you both together," Harry answered quietly, then stood when the doorbell rang. "Now please play nice."

Louis rolled his eyes. And he didn't play nice.

It was their first real fight. Stella left in tears and a promise never to talk to Harry ever again, and Louis left with his first black eye. Harry stomped up to his bedroom and scrawled a hasty note to Niall, who lived closest to Harry, with the first quill he saw, tied it to his owl Bindey's leg, and sent her out the window with explicit instructions to bring a certain Irish blond boy back with her.

Bindey returned seven minutes later (not as though Harry was counting) on Niall's arm.

"What happened?"

Harry just flopped on his bed and groaned loudly.

Niall sighed and played with Bindey's feathers. "Well, I passed by Lou on the way here and he looks like he's been punched in the face, and by the way you're holding onto your knuckles I can only assume you did the punching. However, it'd be great if you told me I'm wrong because I can't wrap my head around why on earth you'd punch your best mate."

Harry stared blankly at Niall, who calmly sat on a stool located in the center of Harry's room and continued petting Bindey.

"Harry, you can talk now," Niall informed him, waving his arm.

"I invited Lou over for the day," Harry began. Niall blinks. "And I also invited Stella over for the day."

Niall winced.

"I didn't exactly... I didn't tell Lou that she'd be coming because I knew he wouldn't come. He's been so rude about her and he always gets mad when I spend time with her, and I figured it's because he doesn't know her. Sure, we all grew up here, but she's a Hufflepuff and younger than him but I thought if he just got to know her he'd be okay! But within two minutes he was making sly digs after everything she'd say, and within five minutes he was insulting Hufflepuff, and within ten he was outright calling her names!"

"So you punched him?" Niall deadpanned.

"Well," Harry said, "first Stella started crying when Lou called her a bratty git-"

"Why would he call her a bratty git?" Niall interrupted, his eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. 

Harry shook his head in annoyance. "Because he couldn't think of any better insults? But she started crying, and then she said, _I never understood why you hung around with a smarmy Slytherin but if you're anything like he is, I never want to speak to you again!_ and then she stormed out."

"She said _smarmy_?" Harry glared. "Sorry. So you just let her go?"

"I was too busy turning on Louis who just seemed so calm and... _Smug_! He was so smug about the whole thing, and I just decked him right in the eye. And then he screamed, really high pitched and girly too, and then he said _what was that for, I just did you a favor!_ And I just stared at him because I didn't get it and he just shook his stupid head and walked out and I kept staring because..."

Harry sighed dramatically and Niall groaned his name, causing Bindey to start and jump from his arm to her cage.

"Because I wasn't even upset that she was gone. Because I realized that after all the bad attempts at kissing her-"

"Wait-" Niall jumped from his stool and flapped his arms awkwardly. "The kissing isn't good? What?!"

"Well - I mean, we just... After the cinema I tried to kiss her on her doorstep and it was just weird. And when I was helping her degnome her garden last week she kissed me and it was okay...? I guess we snogged a bit but I put my arms on her shoulders and found myself wishing they were... wider? And I... I wished her hair wasn't so long and I wished she were a little taller and maybe a little less a girl-"

"Mate..." Niall mumbled, eyes wide. Harry squeezed his shut, clenched his bedspread in his fingers.

"...and maybe wishing she was a little less Stella and a little more Louis."

" _Harry_ ," Niall breathed. Harry still hadn't opened his eyes and he started when he felt arms wrap around his shoulders. Harry wasn't really sure when he started crying but Niall was wiping the tears off his cheeks and pulling him in for a tight hug. Bindey was squawking and flapping around the small bedroom and Harry could hear his mum banging around in the kitchen, starting dinner, but he focused on the warmth of his friend's arms and the weight that he felt had just lifted off his chest.

"Do you think he'll hate me?" Harry whispered after a few minutes, breaking the moment between the two. Niall pulled back and looked Harry in the eye.

"Lou's your best mate. He could never hate you, Harry."

Harry thought back to the cold look in Louis' blue eyes before he walked out the door and hoped to Merlin he didn't hate him already.

 *

"Thanks for helping me pack, mate," Louis said to Liam. Liam looked up and glared.

"Louis, I'm not _helping_ you pack," he responded in annoyance, "I am packing _for_ you, because you're too lazy to do it."

"Pot-a-to, po-tah-to," Louis waved him off, sinking further into his mattress as Liam stuffed various items into Louis' trunk. The room became quiet apart from the sounds of Liam's packing. "Hey, Li?"

"Hm?" Liam mumbled, not looking up from where he sat in front of the trunk, arranging things so the lid would close.

"How's Harry?"

Liam immediately froze, hands hovering over a stack of text books.

"I just," Louis started sadly, "I haven't talked to him since he gave me that unfortunate black eye and I want to know that he's doing okay."

Liam huffed. "Lou, you've been ignoring him for almost two weeks. He's lost his best friend and his girlfriend, how do you think he's doing?"

"He's not lost me!" Louis argued. 

"He's written you six letters and they're all still sealed and in your drawer. He's making an effort, and you're not. From where I sit, and from where he sits, he's lost you, mate," Liam responded, standing up from the floor and trekking over to the bed to sit next to his friend. "Why didn't you read any of the letters?"

Louis stared at the floor.

"C'mon, Lou," Liam urged.

Louis sighed and Liam thought he heard his breath hitch. "I'm scared he got back with her. I'm scared he'll only be my friend if I'm nice to her or whatever. It's easier to ignore everything than deal with whatever he wrote in those letters, really."

Liam slung an arm around Louis' shoulders. "Lou, he's not back with her. Don't think he's even spoken to her since the break-up. He's not even much upset over it. He's upset that he's lost his best friend, because he's going through something really big right now and he really needs you to be there for him. And he's even more scared than you are, trust me."

"What's he going through?" Louis' head shot up and Liam ignored the wetness in his eyes.

"It's all in the letters," Liam answered. "It's not my place to tell you. But you really need to talk to him. Talk to him tomorrow on the train or something. He needs you, Lou."  
Louis nodded mutely, his gaze returning to the floor.

"I'm going to head out so you can finish packing and read those letters," Liam said after a few moments of silence. Louis didn't answer, so Liam squeezed his shoulders once as a goodbye and left the room, shutting the door behind him softly. Louis let a few tears leak out before hastily wiping them and chastising himself for being weak.

He pushed himself up and went to his desk, yanking open the drawer and staring at the enclosed letters. He took in a deep breath and grabbed them, opening the one sent hours after Louis had left the Styles' house.

_Lou,_  
_I'm sorry for punching you. I really shouldn't have done that and I understand if you don't want to forgive me, but, yeah. I'm sorry. I'm still upset and confused about how you acted and everything that happened but if we can be friends again I'm willing to put it all behind us, yeah?_  
_Harry_

Louis breathed out. That wasn't terrible. He would be willing to put everything behind them and start fresh, back to being best friends. He stuffed the parchment back into its envelope and opened the next one. It had been two days after the incident.

_Lou,_  
_I guess your lack of response means you don't want to be friends anymore. I guess I understand, but it still is a really shitty thing to happen because you're the one who started all of this mess. If you had been normal about me getting a girlfriend and hadn't been so mean to Stella then none of this would have happened. This is your fault but I'm still the one trying to fix things. I shouldn't even want to fix things with how you acted. You were a jerk._  
_Harry_

Louis hadn't realized how tightly his hands were clenched until he finished reading. He flexed his hands and flinched at the half crescent indentions in his palm from his nails. His heart was pounding in his chest. He quickly opened the next. He remembered it arriving not even an hour after the last one.

_Lou,_  
_I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. I was mean and and angry and it was uncalled for. Can we please be friends? There's some things going on and I really really need to talk to you about it. The other boys are great and here for me but I need you. Please, Louis._  
_Harry_

That was the first mention of whatever Harry was going through, and it made Louis' stomach clench in uncomfortable knots that he had ignored Harry while he was having problems. But he still didn't know what the problem was, and Liam swore it was in the letters, so Louis opened the next one. He couldn't even remember when it had arrived.

_Louis,_  
_This is really dumb of me to keep writing letters to someone who isn't responding, but I just need to know why everything happened. If I'm losing my best friend, I think I deserve to know why. Why did you hate Stella? Why were you so awful to her, when she was nothing but nice to you? I don't get it. Please answer._  
_Harry_

Louis wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. He was an absolute jerk and he wanted nothing more than to hug Harry.

_Louis,_  
_I need to talk to you. I never liked her. I never liked Stella. I tried so hard, you have to know how hard I tried to like her, but I didn't. I just couldn't. I didn't like how she kissed or how she held my hand or how she hugged me. I didn't like any of it. But I pretended like I did and I don't even know why. Because all it did was make me miserable and you angry. And looking back part of me is relieved at what happened because at least I didn't have to tell her that I never liked her. But I'm not relieved because at what cost did that come at? I got rid of Stella, yeah, but I lost you, too. And that's not fair. And now I'm realizing these scary things about myself and what I want and how I feel and talking to Niall and Liam and Zayn is great but they don't get me like you do and I need you but you're not talking to me and I'm actually going a bit crazy. I need my best friend back, if only to help me get through this. Just promise me that I'm still okay, that I'm still the same Harry. Because I'm_

There was something scribbled out, and Louis could see a spot that he assumed was at one point a tear drop. It made him choke. What did Harry mean?

_I just want things to be okay between us. Please, Lou._

There was no signature at the end, but Louis assumed it was because the next letter came only minues later. Louis sniffed and opened the last letter. His heart was stuttering in his chest and his palms were sweating. He unfolded the parchment and his breath hitched at the words on the page, tears freely falling from his eyes now. His stomach dropped and he suddenly felt nauseous.

Everything he'd ever felt about Harry, every confusing thought and feeling, hit him like a freight train, knocking the wind out of him. Because it could be real. It could be more than just emotions shoved to the back of his mind. That letter could be an open door for Louis to take the biggest leap of his life and risk everything.

_Lou, I'm gay, and I need you to tell me that that's okay._

*

Harry lay on the couch of the sitting room, staring aimlessly toward the ceiling. He'd just finished dinner with his mother and was now bored, already having finished packing. His stomach was twisting from nerves about seeing Louis the next day. He had no idea what was going through the other boy's mind; he didn't even know if he read the letters. And if he did, what would he think of Harry?

His thoughts were interrupted when his mother's voice rang out softly from the kitchen.

"Sweetie, there's an owl for you," she called, and Harry's brows furrowed. It was past eight at night, who would be writing to him? He lifted himself from the couch and ambled into the kitchen. "Must've gone to your window first and come here when he didn't get a response. Looked like Louis'."

Harry's ears perked up and his mouth instantly dried. The owl was gone but Harry recognized Louis' handwriting on the envelope. With wide eyes and shaking hands, Harry grabbed the letter from his mum and tore it open, hastily unfolding the parchment inside and nearly puking at the words written.

_Meet me in the very last compartment twenty minutes to eleven. Please._  
_Love,_  
_Louis_

His mind was reeling.

"What's it say?" His mum asked politely. She was putting on, she could see the range of emotions on her son's face.

"Um," Harry said.

"Um?"

"He wants to meet a little early on the train is all. Get good seats," Harry answered. He hadn't told his mother about their falling out, although she probably assumed as much from the lack of Slytherin in her house. But she just nodded at Harry, who rushed from the kitchen toward his bedroom.

He threw the door shut behind him and collapsed onto his bed. Harry had never dealt with such dramatic happenings in his life and he didn't know what to do. At this point, he hadn't expected a response from Louis at all, but on the off chance he had gotten one he had expected a little more. The letter in his hands told him absolutely nothing except that the next morning was going to be filled with nerves.

*

"Everything packed away?" Harry's mum asked after he'd stuffed his trunk onto the train. Harry nodded jerkily. His stomach was twisting and his palms were sweating. He had five minutes before he needed to meet Louis on the train. "Good boy. Don't forget to write me twice a month, young man."

"Yes ma'am," Harry answered dutifully.

"And keep up with your coursework, I don't want your potion marks to fall like last year. You barely got into the advanced class."

"Yes ma'am."

"And stay out of trouble, please. Don't let Louis and Zayn talk you into anything silly."

"Yes ma'am."

"You're ready to go, aren't you?" Anne asked, a sad smile gracing her pretty face.

Harry grinned cheekily. "Yes ma'am."

"Come here," she mumbled, holding her arms out. Harry acquiesced, wrapping his arms around her small frame and planting a wet kiss to her cheek. "I love you, Harry."

"Love you too, Mum," he answered honestly, squeezing tightly before letting go. "And I will write. I'll start my first letter tonight, even. Let you know how my schedule looks."  
She lifted her hand to his cheek and he internally groaned as he saw her eyes fill with tears. He inconspicuously glanced to the clock. 10:38. Two minutes.

"I gotta go, I told Louis I'd meet him," Harry lied. He had never answered the letter, but he didn't feel it necessary. Still, his mum nodded, patting his cheek once and stepping back. 

She waved to him as he walked to the train. He waved back and smiled at her before turning and making his way onto the train. It was already filling up, mostly with first years trying to get themselves situated before things got chaotic. Harry quickly shuffled to the very back of the train, noticing how it got emptier the farther back he walked. Finally he reached the very last compartment and he saw that the doors on both sides were open and both were empty. 

He sucked in a deep breath and blew it out in attempts to calm his nerves. It didn't work. He stepped into the compartment on the left and sat down close to the door, then resolutely stared at the ground. 

It was only a minute before he heard light footfalls and then Louis' shoes came into his view. He gathered his courage and looked up into bright blue eyes.

"Hi," Louis greeted softly. Harry just nodded in response. "Can I sit?"

Harry nodded again, and Louis took the seat across from him.

"Um," he began awkwardly.

"I'm so sorry, Harry," Louis cut him off, and to Harry it felt like a weight was lifted from his chest. "I wasn't meaning to ignore you when you needed me, I swear, I just... I got the letters but I was so upset and hurt and scared so I just didn't read them."

Harry's brow furrowed. "Why were you scared?"

"I-" Louis started and stopped. He was fidgeting. "I was scared you were going to tell me that we couldn't be friends anymore. Or that we could be friends but only if I could be around Stella."

"Oh," Harry said uselessly. 

"Yeah," Louis answered.

"Why did you hate her?"

Louis looked like he'd been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Harry just watched him, waiting. A range of emotions that Harry couldn't pinpoint seemed to pass Louis' face before he opened his mouth. "I was jealous. I didn't like that you were spending time with someone else, and I felt like she was more important to you than me. I thought she was stealing you away from me."

Harry's breath caught in his throat and he stared wide-eyed at Louis.

"I know, it's dumb," Louis said awkwardly, "but that's how I felt. And I'm so sorry that it kept me from being a good friend to you when you needed it most."

"So you read it?" Harry asked. He didn't need to specify what.

"Yeah," Louis answered softly. He reached across to Harry and grabbed his hand, wrapping his own around it and rubbing circles into the skin. "And it's okay, Harry. It's more than okay. _You're_ more than okay. You're absolutely perfect exactly the way you are, and you will always be my best friend, okay?"

Tears began to form in Harry's eyes but he blinked them away. He gripped onto Louis' hand and pulled him up, standing up himself. He didn't say anything, just wrapped his arms around Louis' waist. He immediately felt strong arms around his neck. His nose was buried in Louis' hair and he could feel Louis' breath against his chin. Goosebumps rose on his arms but he ignored it in favor of tightening the grip.

"Uh, sorry-"

Harry and Louis broke apart and turned to see Liam, Niall, and Zayn standing in the doorway.

"No, no, you're fine," Louis said, and Harry didn't miss the crack in his voice. He wiped at his own eyes with his hand. "We were just being emotional."

Harry laughed loudly, and it felt like the rainbow after a hurricane.

*

Things for Harry were going wonderfully. He had his best friend at his side and his classes were going smoothly. He and Niall shared every class but one (Niall was taking Care of Magical Creatures while Harry was in Divination) and had Liam and Zayn in Herbology and Transfiguration. He had somehow ended up with a free period at the same time as Louis, so they spent that either lounging around in the Gryffindor common room, in the library pretending to study, or lazing about on the grounds.

It was well into October and Niall was at Quidditch practice. Harry sat in an armchair by the fire in the common room, writing an essay for potions, when a shadow blocked his light. He looked up and pushed his curls out of his eyes and was greeted with the sight of a seventh year named Anthony.

"Hullo," the boy greeted, a nice smile on his face. Harry had talked to him a few times but didn't know the boy too well. He was attractive and seemed kind, so Harry smiled back.

"So, this may seem weird and a bit out of the blue, but uh, this weekend is a Hogsmeade weekend, yeah?"

Harry nodded. His stomach twisted in a way that wasn't uncomfortable. 

"I was wondering if you maybe wanted to have a chat at the Three Broomsticks while we're there? Maybe get to know one another?"

Harry couldn't stop the smile from forming on his face.

"Yeah," he agreed. He bit his lip. "Yeah, that sounds really good."

"Great," Anthony said happily. "I'll meet you in front of the Three Broomsticks at, say, noon?"

"That works for me," Harry answered. The smile still hadn't fallen from his face. "Looking forward to it."

"Yeah," Anthony grinned, "me too. I'll see you then, Harry."

Anthony then walked toward the portait hole, exiting the common room. Harry felt like his cheeks were on fire, but he couldn't stop smiling. _This_ was the feeling he was missing with Stella.

When Harry had gotten to Hogwarts this year, he had decided he wasn't going to hide who he was. He didn't make any announcement, but a few well planted rumors by Niall and within two days all of Gryffindor knew. It was an easy way to come out, and once the Gryffindors knew, soon the whole school knew. It was no big deal, and no one had said anything to him about it. Harry couldn't believe how simple it had been.

"Whoa," Harry jumped at Niall's booming voice. He hadn't even heard the entire Quidditch team parade into the common room. "What's that grin about?"

Harry ducked his head and laughed.

"I've got a date."

*

Anthony was sweet. He was funny, too; within fifteen minutes on their first date he had Harry in stitches, and within twenty tears had gathered in his eyes. He made loud and obnoxious jokes, the kind Louis liked to make when no one was paying him enough attention. By November, the pair was making trips to Hogsmeade every weekend. Harry enjoyed holding Anthony’s hand and the first time they kissed, on the cobblestones at the end of the road, Harry was absolutely positive he was happy.

By December, Louis’ dislike for Anthony made itself known. He made a snippy comment in his direction, leaving Anthony confused and grappling for a response, looking to Harry for help. Harry didn’t do anything but send a glare to Louis, who simply shrugged back, as though he wasn’t doing anything wrong. The insults got worse when Anthony wasn’t around, Louis always muttering about the way he talked loudly or made stupid jokes. Harry refrained from pointing out that those were qualities Louis himself possessed, too glad to have their friendship back after a rocky summer to risk a fight.

Harry knew he wasn’t being fair to Anthony though, two days before winter holiday, when he lay in his bed and found himself hoping Louis’ reaction to Anthony was out of jealousy. Hoping his reaction to Stella was out of jealousy. He felt tears spring to his eyes at the thought of having a boyfriend while harboring feelings for someone else but couldn’t find it in him to break up with Anthony. Louis might not be jealous, he reasoned, convincing himself that it was better to be safe than sorry. He liked the idea of someone out there who cared about him in a special kind of way. And if it couldn’t be Louis, he was certainly content with Anthony.

*

“I got Firewhiskey!” 

Harry glanced up at the boom of Niall’s voice from the portrait hole.

“Why do you have Firewhiskey?” Harry asked, furrowing his brows in confusion.

“Night before we leave for break, Harry,” Anthony answered for him, grinning widely at Niall, who gave a thumbs up in return. He turned his full attention to Niall, then. “We having a party?”

“In the Room of Requirement, so the other boys can join,” Niall responded, waving an arm for them to follow. Harry sighed, not in the mood for a party, but followed when Anthony beckoned him as well.

“C’mon,” Anthony murmured, hand low on Harry’s back, “it’ll be fun.”

Harry groaned. “I have to see my mum tomorrow, I can’t be hungover.”

Niall laughed loudly, patting Harry on the back but not answering.

“Where is the Firewhiskey, then?” Anthony asked as they made their way to the Room.

“Already there,” Niall said with a grin. Harry bit back a sigh.

*

“Truth or dare, Niall,” Zayn asked, eyes a little glossy. He had been the one to supply the Veritiserum, although no one was sure where he had gotten it.

“Truth,” Niall said, cheeks pink. 

Zayn grinned. “Which of us would you most like to snog?”

Niall’s face turned even redder. He bit his lips, fighting the urge, but the Veritiserum was too strong. “You,” he squeaked, then dropped his face in his hands, groaning out, “I’m sorry.”

The other boys burst into raucous catcalls and laughter, filling the room with noise. Finally Liam’s voice rose above the others, asking for quiet.

“Okay, Louis,” Niall said, looking to Louis. “Truth or dare?”

Louis, who had previously been dared to lick the fireplace, said, “Truth.”

Niall grinned and Harry thought it looked malicious. The room suddenly seemed more tense.

“Louis, why,” he questioned, “were you such a prat during the summer?”

Louis’ face turned white and Liam clenched his bottle of Firewhiskey. Harry could hear his own heartbeat, thrumming and drumming in his ears. The only two that seemed unperturbed by the question were Zayn and Anthony.

“I-” Louis said and then stopped. It was obvious he was trying to hold off the Veritiserum’s effect but failing. “I was-”

“C’mon,” Niall urged, “it’s a truth, you gotta answer!”

“Jealous,” Louis finally bit out, and Harry felt Anthony stiffen beside him. The silence that overcame the six boys was thick, tension quickly filling the room as Louis squeezed his eyes tight. “Liam, truth or dare.”

Liam, shocked by the sudden change of topic, quickly muttered, “Dare.”

“Try and lick your elbow,” Louis said, staring resolutely at the floor, his voice flat. Harry couldn’t stop staring at him, trying to ignore the suddenly intense presence of his boyfriend next to him.

He could hear the laughs of his friends as Liam attempted to lick his elbow, a tame dare for Louis, but he could only focus on Louis. If Louis was jealous then, was he jealous now? The thought made his stomach twist pleasantly and he wished more than anything he had broken up with Anthony. 

“Harry,” Liam’s voice broke him from his thoughts, “kiss the fittest person in the room.”

Harry’s eyes widened.

Harry immediately began plotting ways to hex Liam.

Harry turned to Anthony, who was obviously expecting a kiss, and gave the best apology he could with his eyes. He knew he couldn’t lie with the Veritiserum, even through his actions, and if this could be his one chance to kiss Louis he wasn’t going to waste it.

Anthony seemed to see what was coming, because before Harry had crawled halfway across their makeshift circle, he heard the door slam shut. He closed the rest of the distance quickly and without looking at Louis’ face, grabbed him by the back of the neck and yanked him forward, connecting their lips.

He wasn’t entirely sure what the other boys were doing. He could faintly hear sounds around him but it was drowned out by the thumping in his ears, loud and constant. He moved his hand, dragging his fingers up into Louis’ hair because he was going to make the most of the moment, when he felt Louis’ hand on his arm. He started to drop his arm, disappointed and thinking Louis was trying to tell him stop. He disconnected their lips, and had barely distanced them when Louis leaned back in, recapturing Harry’s lips and kissing back. Harry felt a hand in his hair, felt a shudder run down his back, and realized this was even better than kissing Anthony. 

And then a loud shout of, “Break it up, boys!” from Niall had Louis pulling back, eyes wide and dazed and lips red and wet. Harry was positive he’d never seen anything better.

“I’d say the party’s over,” Liam suggested awkwardly, and Harry finally sat back away from Louis to look at his friends. He couldn’t read any of their expressions before they stood up, all making their way to the door. Harry heard it close before he looked back to Louis who still wore the same expression.

“Lou-”

“I’ll walk you to your dorm,” Louis said, cutting him off. He stood and walked to the door, opening it and waiting for Harry. Harry quickly picked himself up and rushed over, following behind Louis with nerves twisting in his stomach. The walk seemed much shorter on the way back and Harry wasn’t sure if it was good or bad, so he just stopped, stood against the wall next to the portrait hole.

“Um,” he said, when Louis stayed silent but still stood in front of him. “Good night, I guess?”

Louis didn’t move for a moment, and then he shook his head and muttered a quiet, “No,” before stepping forward and trapping Harry against the wall, leaning up slightly to press their lips together again.

*

When Harry woke up the next morning, it was to the sound of Niall laughing and bright light hitting his eyes. He groaned and swatted aimlessly, but Niall just laughed harder. When he finally forced his eyes open, Niall was standing next to his four-poster, having opened his curtains, and was staring down at him.

“You,” he said with a wide grin, “have a lovebite the size of England-”

But Harry didn’t let him finish, jumping up and shoving his laughing friend out of the way. He rushed into the restroom and discovered that he did, in fact, have a rather large bruise on his neck.

“So,” Niall asked, sticking his head in the door, “did you give Lou a matching one, or was it a one-sided deal?”

“Oh my God,” Harry moaned, squeezing his eyes shut and wishing for the ground to swallow him whole. With thoughts of Louis came nerves, and memories of the night before.

The night before, snogging against the wall, only to be caught by Peeves who made up a clever rhyme that Harry couldn’t remember exactly. He bit his lip. Louis had been drunk.  
But he’d been on Veritaserum. 

“You comin’, mate? Train leaves in a bit,” Niall called, and Harry shook Louis from his thoughts. He had no idea how he was going to act around his best friend (more than best friend, now?) but he couldn’t stay hidden in his dorm bathroom forever.

It only took he and Niall ten minutes to get all their possessions thrown into their trunks, and only another ten before they were down in the great hall, seating themselves with Liam and Zayn, who were already at the Ravenclaw table.

“Morning,” Zayn mumbled, rubbing sleep from his eye and taking a large bite of egg. Harry nodded at him as Liam and Niall started in on a conversation. He wasn’t listening, however, he was looking around the large room for Louis. He turned his head to check the Slytherin table but only got glares for daring to look in the general direction. He sighed, assuming that Louis had just woken up late, and picked up a piece of toast.

A call that the students needed to head out within ten minutes to catch the train rang out and Louis still hadn’t shown up.

“You guys seen Lou?”

Liam shook his head.

“Guessing by the mark on your neck I’d reckon you were the last person to see him,” Zayn smirked. Harry dropped his head against the table. “Ah, speak of the devil...”  
Harry’s head flew back up in time to see Louis sit down on the opposite side of the table, the farthest seat away from him. Louis didn’t say anything, just grabbed a piece of toast and nibbled, eyes trained on the wooden table.

Harry cleared his throat awkwardly. Out of any of the scenarios he’d imagined (either a disgusted grimace at the sight of him - worst case, or jumping into his arms with glee - best case), being ignored wasn’t one he’d thought of. Harry opened his mouth to speak but the final call rang out through the great hall and Louis jumped up, grabbing his trunk and rushing ahead without waiting for anyone.

Niall groaned loudly. “Great. Are you guys going to be awkward and pissy again? Only I thought we’d got over that when Stella ditched you.”

Harry sighed sadly and shrugged. “Guess it’s up to him.”

Liam leaned over and gave Harry a short hug. “I’m going to go talk to him, yeah? He’s probably just nervous.”

Harry nodded and Liam sped up, dragging his trunk behind him. Harry, Niall, and Zayn trudged along, ending up in a compartment at the very front of the train for the ride home. 

Zayn and Niall sat opposite Harry, playing a game of Exploding Snap, while Harry stared morosely out the window at the passing scenery.

“Think he hates me?”

Niall sighed. “I don’t think he hates you, mate.”

“He’s probably confused, if anything,” Zayn added. “He’s never been particularly good with feelings. We all saw how he reacted to Stella.”

“Said he was jealous,” Harry recalled. “Last night, during the game. And on the train after summer hols. He said he acted that way because he was jealous. But jealous how? Like, jealous that I spent time with her instead of him, or-”

“Mate,” Niall interrupted, looking up from the game, “You _know_ why he was jealous. The same reason he was jealous of Anthony. The same reason he didn’t think twice before he kissed you back last night. He likes you just as much as you like him, he’s probably only just figuring it out.”

“Wait,” Zayn said, “How long have you known you liked Louis? I thought everyone in this situation was really confused and stupid.”

Harry groaned, banging his head against the seat. “Since summer. I cried on Niall about it.”

Zayn turned to Niall accusingly. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?!”

Niall’s jaw dropped. “I- _Best friend confidentiality_!”

“I thought _I_ was your best friend,” Zayn frowned, and Niall immediately shook his head, reaching his arms out for a hug.

“Ew, would you guys just fuck already?” Harry groaned, intending for it to be harsh but only sounding whiny.

“I think that’s what’s considered the pot calling the kettle black, is it not, dear Nialler?”

Niall laughed. “I do believe it is, Zayney.”

Harry beat his head against the seat again.

*

_Are you just never going to speak to me again?_  
_-Harry_

_Lou why are you being dumb about this?_  
_-Harry_

_Sorry I shouldn’t have called you dumb_  
_-Harry_

_Can we at least talk or something? This is stupid_  
_-Harry_

_Not that you’re stupid, the situation is stupid_  
_-Harry_

_I’ll take that as a no, then_  
_-Harry_

*

It had been a week since the party. A week since Louis had spoken to Harry.

And Harry was rather sick of it.

He was sat on the couch in his living room with his mum, drinking hot cocoa when Anne spoke up. “Honey, what’s been going on with you and Louis?”

He sighed, sinking farther into the couch and putting his drink on the table.

“That bad, huh?”

He nodded sadly. He explained all that had happened, from Stella to Anthony to the party (which resulted in a scolding for drinking and using illegal potions), and when he was finished she curled her fingers into his hair and petted.

“I’m sorry, sweetie,” she murmured. “But this isn’t a way to spend New Year’s Eve. Why don’t you go try and talk to him? You don’t want to start your year off on the wrong foot with your best friend.”

*

And at 11:30, Harry found himself outside the window of Louis’ bedroom. He knocked a few times, calling out Louis’ name quietly. He heard rustling but no answer. He could see a shadow moving inside the room and he rolled his eyes. “Jesus, Lou, you’re not a girl. I’m not throwing rocks at your fucking window. Let me in.”

It took a few moments but finally Louis opened the window, pulling the blinds up and stepping aside for Harry to come through. Harry stood awkwardly while Louis plopped down on his bed, staring resolutely at the floor.

“Lou? Are you gonna talk to me?”

Louis didn’t answer.

“What is this shit, Lou? Are you grossed out that I like you? Because, like, I swear I’ll try and make it go away, Lou, _please_. I swear I’ll try. I just need you in my life, even if it’s never in the way that I want it. I can’t do this anymore, this sucks.”

Louis still didn’t answer. Harry could feel tears building behind his eyes and he sighed heavily. Without saying anything, he carried himself back out the window and walked home alone.

*

Harry stared resolutely at the floor of the train compartment, ignoring the sounds of laughter surrounding him. Niall and Zayn seemed to be regaling Liam with the details of some “grand adventure” they took in Muggle London over the break and Harry hated it. He hated it because usually it would be he and Louis sharing the ridiculous stories of what they did over break. Usually he and Louis would be laughing, doubled over and tearing up and completely unable to even finish. Liam would be shaking his head at them, not at Niall and Zayn.

Harry began picking a loose thread on his robes, focusing on the stitching and trying to drown out all the happiness he could hear, when a voice interrupted his attempts by saying his name. He looked up, shaking his curls out of his eyes and sparing a quick moment to regret not letting his mum trim his locks before he left, but the thought was quickly shut down when he realized it was Louis standing in the doorway of the compartment.

Louis’ cheeks were a little pink and his hair a little messy. Harry could see that his eyes were a bit puffy and he viciously hoped Louis had been having as much trouble sleeping as he had.

“Can I talk to you?”

Harry looked to the other boys for help but all three refused to make eye contact. Harry finally sighed and stood, following Louis out of the compartment and down the aisle.

“Where are we going, Lou?”

Louis didn’t answer him, just continued walking. They finally made it to the back of the train and Harry’s heart lurched at the memory of that very last compartment.  
Louis yanked the sliding door open only to grimace and shut it quickly.

“What?”

“Well, I had wanted to do this in that specific compartment but it seems to be otherwise... _Occupied_. I just... I’m sorry, Harry.”

Harry’s eyes closed tightly and he took a deep breath, trying to calm his rising anger.

“Did you actually think it was a good idea to apologize in the same place you already apologized for a different screw up? Why would reminding me what an ass you were help your case at all?”

Louis’ mouth opened and closed silently a few times before he looked down at the floor.

Harry sighed again and noticed the compartment on the opposite side of the aisle was empty. He pushed past Louis and sat down, motioning for Louis to do the same. Louis slowly moved to sit across from Harry and began twisting his fingers together in his lap.

Silence stretched on between them, tense and uncomfortable, before Harry groaned. “Are you at least going to tell me why you were an ass this time?”

Louis’ head shot up, eyes wide, and he nodded quickly. “I just- I was drunk!”

Harry’s eyes narrowed. “That’s your excuse? That you were _drunk_?” His voice was hard and gave away none of the twisted emotions he was experiencing.

“The night of the party, at least. That’s why,” there was a pause and Louis began making hand gestures all over the place that didn’t make sense, “ _that_ happened. And then I was just stupid, I guess? But Harry. Harry. I love you. I just. I love you like a brother, right? I mean, I’m not even _gay_ , I was just drunk.”

Harry winced at the way Louis whispered the word _gay_ , eyes glancing around to make sure no one was around.

“And I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that! Just that. You know. I’m not. That.”

“Eloquent.”

“Harry.” 

“This isn’t a very good apology, Lou,” Harry informed, and Louis bit his lip.

“The past couple weeks of not talking have sucked, Harry. I absolutely hate it and I miss you _so fucking much_ when you’re gone-”

“I wasn’t gone, Lou! I was right there! You were the one that was gone!” Harry exploded, and when he saw Louis’ eyes, sad and maybe even a little wet, he calmed himself down. “Sorry, I just.”

“I want to take you up on your offer. Of being best friends again. I want things to go back to normal, yeah? Like you said?”

Harry felt like he’d been punched in the gut. And he was the one who offered that in the beginning, so it shouldn’t hurt so much, but. But-

“Besides, Styles,” Louis grinned, mask back on, “I’m not that great anyway. You’ll be over me before you know it.”

Harry’s jaw dropped open as Louis stood and exited the compartment, and then turned around and winked. He watched as Louis strolled away, and felt his heart crack a little at how in love he was with an oblivious fuck.

*

January and February were cold, but throughout it all, Harry felt warm again. His friendship with Louis was back to where it was before, his grades were up, and he was happy.

And then March wasn’t quite as cold but Harry felt like ice when he walked into Potions one morning to see Louis chatting with a Slytherin in Harry’s year. He was leaning against her table, smirk visible from across the room. The girl, whose name Harry didn’t know, was twirling her long blonde hair around her finger until she decided it would be a better idea to lean closer and fix Louis’ tie.

Harry was frozen to his spot in the doorway when Slughorn brushed past him with an, “Oi! Tomlinson, this isn’t your class!”

“Sorry, Sir,” Louis said, grin on his face, “just chatting with the lovely Miss Henderson here.”

“Ah, yes, young love,” Professor Slughorn said. Harry wanted to puke. “I remember it well.”

Louis just smiled and winked at the girl - _Miss Henderson_ \- and headed toward the door, stopping dead in his tracks when he saw Harry already standing there.

“Harry-” his voice was choked and Harry shook his head, willing the tears that were gathering in his eyes not to fall.

“Please go,” Harry muttered, ignoring Slughorn as he explained which ingredients they were using, completely oblivious to the interaction happening in his classroom.  
Louis nodded and stepped forward, stopping when he was right next to Harry’s ear.

“I thought we were normal again,” he whispered. “Normal friends don’t get jealous, okay?”

Harry felt his stomach tighten and his breath hitch.

“Are you seriously fucking saying this to me right now?”

Louis opened his mouth but Slughorn beat him to it. “Tomlinson, out!”

Louis closed his mouth and looked at Harry blankly before exiting the room.

*

_Indeed, from antiquity until well into the Modern Ages, a physics devoid of metaphysical insight would have been as unsatisfying as a metaphysical devoid of physical manifestation._

Harry’s brow furrowed and he read the sentence again.

It still didn’t make sense. He groaned, glancing back to his scroll that was only half full. Potions sucked.

He took a deep breath, massaging his temples for a moment before going back to re-read the sentence.

“Um.”

Harry jumped, not expecting any noise to be so close to him. He spun on the couch and bit his lip when he saw Louis standing there, scuffing his shoes on the floor.

“What are you doing here?” Harry asked, keeping his voice guarded.

“Um,” Louis repeated. “It’s the library. I think everyone’s allowed in here.”

Harry just glared.

“I wanted to apologize-”

“You should buy them in bulk if you’re going to be handing them out so often, Louis.”

“You shouldn’t be getting jealous of me flirting with girls, then!” Louis snapped, and then took a breath. “No- I, i just mean. Harry. You can’t do this if we’re going to be friends.”

“No, Lou. _You_ can’t do this if we’re going to be friends. I have been putting my feelings aside for months now so that we can be friends. I’m doing all the work here so that you don’t have to _miss me_ ,” he sneered. Louis looked abashed. “So you don’t have the right to yell at me the one time in two months that I slip up, okay? It’s not fair. I’m doing my best to remove myself from anything to do with your romantic life, but this is the best I can do without removing myself from your life altogether.”

 

Louis’ mouth flopped like a fish and Harry would normally find the action endearing but now he was just angry.

“Now if you’ll please leave me alone, I’d like to learn the different methods of potions preparation without any disturbances.”

Harry turned around, picking up his book and focusing his eyes on the words. He wasn’t reading and the letters began blending together as he listened to the sound of Louis’ footsteps walking away.

*

Harry didn’t move from the couch for two hours. He knew he was missing dinner and he didn’t care. He kept staring at his Potions book and his half finished essay and twirling his quill between his fingers and resolutely did not think about Louis.

It was only when Madam Pince informed him that it was 7:59 and if he was still in her library at 8 then he had a detention did Harry leave. His half finished essay and book and quill were thrown haphazardly into his bag and he began trudging his way to Gryffindor tower.

He was not expecting Louis to be standing outside the portrait hole.

“Jesus Lou,” he muttered, dropping his bag to the floor and bring his palms up to his eyes. “What are you doing here?”

“I need to apologize-”

Harry started to interrupt but the crazed look in Louis’ eyes stopped him.

“I need to apologize. And not just for today. For the past like, eight months, okay? Because I’ve been the most shit friend because I’ve been scared. I’ve been so fucking _scared_ of everything going on in my head and it’s not fair that I took it out on you and I’m sorry.”

Harry wanted to listen. His heart was screaming at him to listen, because this was it. This was the moment when everything was going to make sense and he wanted to hear it.

But he couldn’t. Not again.

“It’s fine, Lou,” he mumbled. “I’ll see you in the morning.” 

He picked up his bag from the floor and went toward the portrait hole but only made it a few steps before Louis grabbed his arm, yanking him backward.

“Wha-”

But then Louis’ lips were on his and Louis’ fingers were gripping his arms and Louis was everywhere.

Behind them, the Fat Lady gasped loudly, scandalized, and it brought Harry back to earth. He wrenched away from Louis, wiping his mouth on his sleeve. Louis looked dazed.

“What the fuck?!”

“Harry, I-”

“No! I won’t let you jerk me around like this, okay? One day you’re kissing me and saying you’re jealous of my girlfriend and the next you won’t even look at me! And you’re saying you only want to be friends and you’re mad when I get jealous of you with a girl but then you’re kissing me again! It doesn’t make sense and I’m so tired of it, Lou! i can’t do this anymore, so just-”

“I’m absolutely terrified of it but I am so in love with you.”

Harry gaped.

Louis stepped closer.

“When you got your first girlfriend over the summer I realized I really didn't like it when other people were more important in your life than me. I realized I always wanted to be the only person you're really thinking about, and I talked to Liam about it and he said it's obvious that I like you as more than a friend. And that put that seed in my head but I was so convinced that I was straight because that's normal right? And after spending my life being not normal because I'm a Slytherin who hangs out with younger guys from different houses and doesn't care about blood status or house rivalry and I've never been _normal_ and I couldn't take anything else making me not normal, you know? So I pushed it away and then you got a boyfriend and it made everything more real like you were into guys and maybe I could be too? And if we were both into guys then maybe we could be into each other? But I got scared and wouldn't even let myself think about it until that fucking truth or dare game and you kissed me and I wasn't even that _drunk,_ Harry. I remember everything and it was the best fucking kiss I've ever had and when we got caught in the hall I just wanted to drag you to my bed but then suddenly I realized I was right outside the common room and my entire house would know not only was I kissing a Gryffindor but a very _male_  Gryffindor and I panicked and avoided you and it was going really well, like. I spent the entire holiday moping but then you showed up on New Years and. Fuck, do you know how hard it was not to just grab you and kiss you? But I couldn’t because I was so _scared_ and I was hiding behind all these excuses but I realized after that that I couldn't stand not being around you and I truly thought that maybe if we went back to being friends then we would both get over what we were feeling and everything would be great but it didn't because-”

Harry watched, stomach fluttering and hands shaking and mind whirling, as Louis squeezed his eyes shut tightly and let out a long breath. He opened his eyes again and just looked at Harry.

“Because I couldn’t stop being in love with you. I _tried_ , Harry, I fucking tried to flirt with girls but it wasn’t right and when you were there and you saw I just snapped because fuck if _you_ didn’t know it wasn’t right, too. You knew before I did and you just waited. And I just. I don’t deserve you at all but I’m sorry, and I love you, and I need you, and I’m not going to be a coward anymore, okay? Like, this, right now. I’m scared to death but I’m putting my heart on the line for you. And you better damn well take it, Curly, because this was a really long speech and-” 

"Quite long," Harry cut in, a tiny smile on his lips. Louis looked hopeful. "Could've been in a romantic comedy, really."

"That'd make you the girl, y'know," Louis informed. His blue eyes twinkled. "It's always the bloke that makes the big romantic speeches."

"There isn't a girl here, Lou," Harry pointed out. "That's the point."

Louis let out a small laugh, more of a breath that had been caught in his throat. "So is that a yes?"

Harry exaggerated a confused expression. "I don't think you asked me a question, actually."

" _Harry_."

Harry grinned widely and shrugged his shoulders.

"In romantic comedies we would've kissed by now," Louis mentioned.

"You still haven't asked me a question, Lou," Harry reminded, eyes gleaming and lips smiling.

"You," Louis pointed to Harry, "Me," he pointed to himself, "This weekend..." Harry raised his eyebrows, "Hogsmeade?"

There was silence between them. And then Harry barked out a laugh and stepped forward, wrapping his arms around Louis' neck. He connected their lips softly, pulling back after a moment and ignoring Louis' whine of protest. 

"Yes," he answered. "But you need to work on the delivery."

**Author's Note:**

> /title from 'see u in the dark' by honor society


End file.
